I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
