i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
