Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize