smell my finger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
