They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
