If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
