it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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