Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
