i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
