the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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