I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm gonna have a badass scar
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
