i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
