did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
