I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you're hired as official boob wrangler
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize