I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
