i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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