im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
