Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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