when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
