I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
