just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
