You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
