we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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