Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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