Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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