she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
