when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize