I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
