i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize