Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
