What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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