I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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