i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
