you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
