dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize