How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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