Your tits are I can't wait for
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize