absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
