Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
