I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
