she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
