He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
