sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
