my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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