I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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