I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
