Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
