I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
