really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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