if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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