i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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