I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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