Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just high enough for therapy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
