Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
