i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
