my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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