We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
