she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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