All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
