the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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