Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
