Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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