guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
