Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The best revenge is premature balding
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Randomize