I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
