I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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