im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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