She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
