You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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