giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
