So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
