Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
