They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
