i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
