wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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