someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you win again, gameday.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
