Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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