My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize